Polarization Among American Cows is Growing

PECANRESIST

Just one week before the midterm elections, Ben and Jerry’s released a new flavor of ice cream named “Pecan Resist.”

In the weeks leading up to the midterms, many large businesses made their political stances known. The announcement from Ben and Jerry’s was just one of many made by American corporations in opposition to, or in support of, the Trump administration.

Many experts in bovine breeding said that the flavor “Pecan Resist” is likely a result of growing political polarization among the American cow population. In Vermont, the home of Ben and Jerry’s, the cow population has become more and more liberal. This position has manifested in the most recent Ben and Jerry’s ice cream flavor. The increasingly liberal cow population has likely been galvanized by the policies of the Trump administration.

Ben and Jerry’s stated that “we honor & stand with women, immigrants, people of color, & the millions of activists and allies who are courageously resisting the President’s attack on our values, humanity & environment. We celebrate the diversity of our glorious nation & raise our spoons in solidarity for all Americans.” The sentiments expressed by these cows show that Ben and Jerry’s has made its liberal stance known to all Americans.

The company faced significant backlash from conservative cows because of its political statement. Many conservatives took to Twitter and made posts with the hashtag #BoycottBenandJerry’s.

After the preliminary results of the midterm elections were announced, Speak the Truth asked Sen. Mitch MooConnell to comment on the results of the election. He replied that “unfortunately, the House of Bovine Representatives has been flipped by the liberal bovine population, but the GOP has consolidated its influence in the Senate.”

This statement was swiftly followed by more good news for the GOP from Senate Majority Leader MooConnell as he announced that Senator Ted Cruz had narrowly defeated Democratic challenger Beto O’Rourke. O’Rourke was running on a radical platform of ceding Texas to Mexico. This move would have been damaging to the cow population of Texas due to the prevalence of dairy cartels in northern Mexico.

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